Feeling Troubled...

I've been feeling down and burdened theses few days. I have an inspirational quotes or words of encouragement booklet that gives meaningful quotes or verses daily and sometimes I do forget to read them. I was flipping to December 11th and lo & behold, it was what I needed to read. Coincidentally, the quotes for the subsequent days were also what I needed.

December 11 says "God guided us, despite our uncertainties and our vagueness, even though our failings and mistakes... He leads us step by step, from event to event. Only afterwards, as we look back over the way we have come and reconsider certain important moments in our lives in the light of all that has followed them... do we experience the feeling of having been led without knowing it, the feeling that God has mysteriously guided us."

December 12 says "God's care for us is more watchful and more tender than the care of any human father could possibly be."

December 13 says "I call on You, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer. Show the wonder of Your great love... Keep me as the apple of Your eye; hide me in the shadow of Your wings."

Ever since my sister got sick, I found myself turning to God more often and on a regular basis since leaving church. I believed that God has his plans and purpose and he will see all of us through. I did literally see how he guided us through 6 years and I saw his goodness and mercies. Despite the difficulties we were all facing, I had faith and I believed that everything has its purpose. Same goes for the recent incident with my father.

However, just when you think all is calm after a storm (I should say after a number of storms), another storm is brewing... I get it that it's good to have trials as they keep us on our toes and help us keep our priorities straight but aren't the storms for us too many and happening too quickly?

I'm just so burdened with having to sail through these storms. I neither wish to question God nor do I want to doubt him but I'm struggling...

Despite all these, I'm just so grateful for Dearie. He's may not be the romantic guy I had hoped to have and he has 1 bad habit which I hate but he's every bit the man I had hoped to be married to. Today marks our 3rd anniversary. It's a good thing he has been away for work as I would have been a total mood spoiler.  Our marriage may be young but we've been through so much together as a couple that these 3 years felt like 10 years. I just hope that I have been every bit the woman he had hoped to be married to and I'll be sure to ask him about it when he returns home. As much I can, I try to reflect on my actions as I want to move on to be a better person.

Anyway I hope to find peace and enlightenment and be my happy self again. I do realize that a person's mood affects others and I definitely want to give the positive vibe to all around me.